Oh heart, I’m doing this for you

I went for my second run in ages this morning. Early sun lifting mist off the nature reserve, leaving naked branches in silhouette against the whitewashed vegetation. The first shoots of daffodils poking up from the brown of last year’s fallen leaves.

Birds singing obscenities to each other.

And I thought to myself – I like this, why haven’t I run for so long?

For a while it was anaemia (I couldn’t understand why I was getting so out of breath). But, I guess it was mostly despondency. I didn’t feel like I was fast enough. Didn’t think I was losing any weight.

I’d lost my mojo.

And with most high-street retailers not selling fitness gear for plus size women and some running apps not acknowledging someone seriously runs at my speed, it’s no wonder.

Am I just too fat and slow to be a serious runner? Does running do my overweight body any good, or am I just slogging my lumbering guts out for nothing?

Sound familiar? From talking to people on Facebook, my friends and from what I’ve read, I’m relieved to know it’s a common thing.

So, consider this.

A US study into women’s heart health found that lack of strenuous exercise was more likely to lead to heart disease and heart attack than being overweight alone (read my ramblings about it here).

Think about it.

If the numbers on the scale or the stopwatch are an impediment to my body getting more efficient at pumping life-giving blood around itself, are they helpful?

I think not.

So, scales and running app back in the cupboard of sadness where they belong, I put my running shoes on this morning and enjoyed  a bit of spring sunshine.

And I got thinking about the mate of mine who I met in the supermarket the other day. She’s a plus-size honey and she’s been working with a personal trainer. Oh my, she looks sweet.

“But I’ve fallen off the wagon” she said.

“Doesn’t matter, just as long as you get back on it” I replied. I think I was talking to myself.

Weight, speed, whatever – all to one side for now. They’re not helping.

I’m doing this for my heart.

Fancy taking up running but don’t know where to start? Check out my top ten tips for plus size running. Good luck.

Misty walk

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Namaste

I live on the outskirts of an old military town and since Joanna Lumley’s campaign to improve the lives of ex-Ghurkhas and their families, the area has seen a considerable influx of Nepalese people.

And unlike so many residents who live round here, I have to say I really like these people: they’ve brought a different dimension to the town and I think we have so much to learn from them.

It makes me sad to hear of yet another earthquake in their homeland and I cannot begin to imagine the sadness they must feel, thinking of the communities they’ve left behind.  With all the devastating news reports in the media at the moment, I just wanted to say something positive about the people I’ve encountered here, in what must seem like a very foreign land.

Early in the morning, when I’m cycling my daughter to school, I meet small groups of elderly, well wrapped, brightly coloured Nepalese walking in groups along the river path and through the park.    “Good morning” they say and in return I offer a “Namaste”.    It’s always at this point that they light up and putting their hands together offer many back.

The river Cowslip river

It took me no time at all to notice that this expression conveyed so much more than one of our own English greetings and having never been to Nepal, I thought I’d do a little research.

Just five minutes looking around on the web turned up so much.  The phrase literally means “I bow to you”.  The small head nod, the hands gently pressing together, the smile that accompanies it, acknowledges the divine spark that resides within us all.  It’s more of a prayer than a greeting, so much richer than “good morning”.  It’s more involved and wider than just one person acknowledging another.  It’s about souls, much older than bodies, passing the time of day.

This made me think about so much I’ve observed recently.

One spring morning about a year ago, I was sat in the car outside my friend’s flat, waiting for him.  Next door, a couple of elderly Nepalese ladies stepped out into the sunshine and it was as though the new green leaves and the bright light filled the second woman with something so enlightening, she simply had to place her hands together and say good morning to the sun.  My friend is really ill, which I’m finding most distressing at the moment but that one gesture made me smile.

Then there was the time a friend sent me a picture of a small group of elderly Nepalese sat outside his flat in the car park on deckchairs.  They were tightly wrapped as it was a cold November day but because the sun was out, so were they.  I’ve never been good at hibernating either.

I’ll also mention the elderly Ghurka who I regularly see making his way into town.  His slow shuffle speaks of determination despite infirmity or injury.  His broad shoulders, muscular physique and strong hand on his walking stick speak of a dignified life at arms for a country far away from the land of his birth.

There seems to be something open and accepting that’s hardwired into the Nepalese people I’ve met.  They go outside, explore, find new places – and the library is usually busy with them.  On market day, the town is alive with circles of men talking, the women picking over the vegetables on the stalls and in the parks and gardens, they sit and talk in the sunshine.

I don’t pretend to know very much about their land and their diverse culture.  I know there are divisions in the country and that it is recovering from a brutal civil war.  The town in which I live is groaning under the weight of this sudden population increase (which I believe has more to do with policy than people) and even the local MP has voiced concern over the locals’ inability to find a park bench to use at peak times.  I’ve also read about their caste system, their gender roles and their religious and ideological divisions but I can only go on the elderly Nepalese people I’ve seen (I believe the young have their own basket of problems) – and what I’ve seen is a quiet, respectful, considerate people with a great sense of humour and a thirst for human experience.

I’m not a religious person but I think the concept that we all carry a spark of the divine within us is a sensible one.  If, just if, the idea that we all harbour the same life force is true, wouldn’t it clear up so many modern-day woes?  Wouldn’t so many of our negative emotions like jealousy and fear which cause so much hurt become not just futile but useless?

There are so many souls hurting in Nepal today because the earth shook – again.

Namaste.

 

DEC Nepal Appeal

Shelterbox

Oxfam Nepal Appeal

Unicef Nepal Appeal

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Spring Apples

Sunday morning and a tale of an apple lost and some memories found.

The other day I lost an apple – it was a russet, my favourite.  At the supermarket, I’d spent some time picking the most russeted but slightly soft ones in the box, all the while checking for bruising and placed them carefully in a plastic bag. But when I got home and unpacked my shopping, I was most distraught to find that I was one short.

Retracing my steps, I examined every nook and cranny from the car to my kitchen worksurface but it was clear that the apple had gone.  It was lost.  There were only two remaining and they would have to do.

Apples
Sweet, tough skinned, buttery on the palette but utterly wonderful when well rested

Russets are really important to me.  I grew up exploring my granddad’s rambling garden and one side of it was devoted entirely to fruit trees: apples, raspberries, gooseberries and pears.  His apple trees were no usual apple trees though.  He had little seen varieties such as American Mother but my favourite were always the Russets.  Each tree had been carefully grafted onto the rootstock of a different tree to maximise durability and yield, so below the branches, the patch looked not unlike a collection of disjointed knees.

I’d spend days of spring treading carefully over the mulch on the floor as the white petals of the blossom fell like snow on to the dark, carefully laid bark.  And then came the buds of fruit that would grow as the days grew and then continued as the days started to die away.  Each weekend I’d check them for ripeness and make do with picking the wild strawberries on the hedge for my free sweetness hit.

The well drained lawn alongside would become like straw in the hot summer sun and then green again as rainy days became more numerous with the turning year but still the fruit would be too hard, the tree too unyielding.

Then one day I would turn up at my Granddad’s house and the apple boxes would be out.  These were the boxes that lived some of the year stacked in the outhouse.  There was an unmistakable musty smell in the outhouse.  Granddad had an old butler’s sink that always smelled of surgical spirit and soap (he would wash out there in the summer) and amongst the dusty mud on the floor there would be wood shavings from some project or other he was finishing.  The smell of oil mixed with that of stored potatoes and freshly chopped onions (he often prepared food out there too).  At the window, obscured by years of dust, sat old cobwebs over the puckered linseed paint solution Granddad would use on the wooden frames.

A secularist by voice but a sentimentalist by nature, my Russian-born Granddad could find ceremony in anything.  He would carry the boxes up the steps and I would know that now was the time for the laying down of the apples.

And this is where Russets come into their own.  Eaten straight from the tree, Russets are sharp and crisp (not unlike other apples) but their skins are tough which puts many eaters off.  I never ate fresh Russets, however.  They were wrapped and rested, their flesh allowed to mature under the rough skin until when they were taken out they were as puckered as the window frame paint and darker brown in colour.

Inside, the fruit was soft on the teeth and buttery in colour – the sharp crispness had almost fermented into a flavour not unlike sweet wine.  Using age old methods from the long lost farming family that had raised him, my Granddad could store apples and potatoes from one growing season right round until the next.  Under the floor, in the cellar amongst the bottles of cooking oil, old Christmas cards and treasured stored timbers sat the boxes of carefully stored produce, waiting their turn.  Apples were rarely eaten fresh.

You’ll be pleased to hear that I eventually found my Russet.  It had escaped through a hole in one of my carrier bags and rolled across the floor, ending up underneath one of my kitchen cupboards.  On the tiles, below the wooden cupboard doors I thought of cardboard boxes, the wood dust, the oily smell and the puckered paint and thought how lucky I was to have been taught to rest Russets in order to enjoy them at their best.  Their sweet, yellowing flesh evading the supermarket shoppers who don’t know that the addition of time turns this hard, inaccessible fruit into a soft, sweet delight that seems to evoke autumn, even in the hard days of winter and the brighter light of spring, when the closing days of the previous year are a memory way out on the other side of Christmas.

Apple under the cupboard
An apple lost, some memories found.
Apples oranges and parsley
There’s something satisfying with placing a wood-coloured apple into a wooden bowl.

 

This is why each apple is carefully placed into the wooden fruit bowl and allowed to rest until the skin tells me it’s ready to eat.  The kind of skills my Granddad had for storing food have been lost with the eternal harvest that is the supermarket but at least I can keep the spirit of it alive with each rested, puckered apple.

And there they sit, a symbol of autumn ready to eat on a spring day and my mind tumbles back to the closing months of my Granddad’s life.  His wish was that he would see the blossom of another spring  and I believe in honour of his beloved apples, he managed to make it through to autumn too.

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The Little Things I love This Week – mid March

Bike along the river
The view from my handlebars – my fellow cyclist runs ahead to check out some tiny flowers

 

 

It’s nearly a year since we lost our big car.  A huge Ford Galaxy with much room for camping gear, trips home to Cornwall and outings with carfree friends.  She was a workhorse of a vehicle and when she finally turned up her toes, we were pretty stumped.

One year on and although we now have a beautiful blue banger outside the gate, my daughter is more than used to cycling to school, I’ve taken up running (as well as cycling) and inspired by all this, my husband has also dug out his bib shorts and running shoes.  We live next to the calm Blackwater River, which means that if the ground is dry, getting around traffic-free is simple and with each week the colour palette changes.  Delightful and much more fun than sitting at traffic lights.

I’d given up cycling for the winter but with the bikes checked over and helmets dug out from under the stairs, we start again in earnest next week.  Can’t wait!

To rival my Mother’s little black and gold visitor last week, look what turned up in my front garden.  I’m well happy.

Tiny bee in the crocus

And finally, if you’ve had enough of me banging on about spring, look away now but

I spent good Sunday morning chill out time changing beds last weekend, just for the sheer joy of seeing the sheets blowing on the line – the first outing my peg bag has had this year.  For me, this is a big deal because I hate washing hanging around the house and I just love the fresh linen smell of bringing it in off the line in the evening.

This is the pegbag I made last year to celebrate spring.  The stichtwork on the front is a little difficult to see, so I will post better pictures sometime soon but it’s based on a pattern from Christine Leech’s rather delicious book Little Sew & Sew.

Have a happy week, people.  If you have your own spring rituals, do share.

A little rabbit, a shirt and a pair of unmentionables adorn the front of the pegbag, worked in backstitch with tiny roses, sequins and buttons.
A little rabbit, a shirt and a pair of unmentionables adorn the front of the pegbag, worked in backstitch with tiny roses, sequins and buttons.
The back of my simple patchwork peg bag
The back of my simple patchwork peg bag
Looks tropical but it's only my sunny backyard
Looks tropical but it’s only my sunny backyard

 

 

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The Little Things I Love This Week

 

Blossom in Hyde Park
I had to go to Hyde Park to find this little beauty.

It’s spring by name – metrological spring covers the months of March, April and May, so this week sees the first official week of my favourite season.  Of course, the naysayers will point out that the natural world is as far removed from our Gregorian calendar as say, many politicians are from their ideals but I say in this instance, we’ll give it a name and let nature grow into it.

Tanking across Hyde Park for a little retail therapy on Saturday(while the Hubster and the small one were enjoying the Science Museum) I found this little beauty.  I live on the edge of an old orchard and not a blossom have I seen yet, I had to come into London for that.

In case you’re wondering, yes I did buy something on Oxford Street – a rather fabulous little number.  It will sit in my wardrobe and sing to me until I can find a suitable occasion to wear it.  Have a quick squizz here – it looks even more gorgeous on, I just need to find the right orange shoes to go with it now.  Any suggestions gratefully received.

Crocus in the greenery
Purple and green – one of my favourite combinations
LIttle white crocus
This little white crocus was the first to pop open

And these little babies have been busy coming up in my garden.  I bought a random bag of crocuses last autumn and made it my business to plant them randomly so that I’d forget where they’d pop up.  I’m easily entertained.

Sainsbury's Cookbook
A new cookbook for me makes everyone happy

The sassy little dress was not the only treat I bought myself this week.  Check this out.  I’ve had a darn good rummage around in this, the latest addition to my gargantuan library of cookbooks.  The thing that makes the just-out Sainsbury’s Cookbook (and what I also love about Sainsbury’s magazine – I don’t work for them, honest!) is that it uses pretty simple ingredients in a rather fabulous way.  I reckon my family will be well up for the Buffalo wings and the prawn, feta, tomato and chilli stew.  Personally, the trio of dips and the grilled halloumi salad are well and truly floating my boat at the moment as are the pecan caramel cinnamon buns and the Pastel de Santiago (a Spanish lemon and almond cake).  Expect pictures of my own efforts soon.

Tired but happy feet
Tired but happy feet

And finally, in order to offset the effects of my culinary pleasures, I broke the 3k mark twice this week.  This is a considerable achievement for me as I only started running seven weeks ago.  I’ve been following the NHS’ Couch to 5K plan and if you’ve heard about it and you’ve been toying with the idea of digging out your running shoes, do it.  I’ve gone from collapsing at the supermarket checkout after having dashed for the forgotten milk/cheese/butter/beer just a couple of months ago to perving over new running shoes with my mate who’s also just taken up running.

Running is addictive.  Running has made me happy.  3K is an achievement and the 5K charity run I’m doing in October no longer seems like the hurdle it once was.  (Read more about The Silent Bleed, the charity I work with, here).

In fact, I’m off for a run now.  There’s some bright, spring sunshine to be had out there and I’m on the lookout for blossom.

I hope I’ve inspired you to get outside and find your own signs of early spring this week.  Whether you’re running, walking or getting dragged along by the dog, do share how it’s made you feel – and keep a lookout for fabulous orange shoes (but they’re best found in a shoe shop).

QOST xxx

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