Getting over slim
The surprising things that can happen when a plus-size positive blogger turns up to a weight management class.
I have a happy job. Whether I’m writing brochure material for people choosing their next holiday or website content helping walkers to find the best baths and breathtaking views, the words that help make someone’s day brighter, also pay my mortgage.
Lucky as I am, there are gremlins in the tools of my trade: namely pet hate words. The first two on the list are ‘nice’ and ‘tasty’. Rather benign words and their bland nature is exactly why they rarely come across my keyboard.
Third on the list is the word ‘slim’.
Let me explain.
I’m a bit of a liberal feminist in that I believe the spirit of equal concern extends across all of humanity, not just womb-men but during my studies I was fascinated by texts by the likes of Jeanette Winterson, Susie Orbach and Michelle Boulous Walker. A vast area of reading, discovery and discussion, I was intrigued by how society tells us what our body means and how to use it.
For example, take the backlash against plus-size model Tess Holliday Instagramming pics of herself at the gym or blogger Callie Thorpe looking fabulous in her curvy, white wedding dress last year. These are women getting on with their lives, being creative, making waves. Why is their size the first thing people think about? Why do everyday people suddenly turn into metabolism consultants, all concerned about their health? Would people dream of giving feedback on any other aspect of someone’s life? Like high-profile people who drink, smoke or take drugs? What about shifty politicians who take away benefits from vulnerable people and call it austerity? All that cortisol can’t be good for them.
So, back to the word ‘slim’. What does that word mean?
A child of the 70’s, to me it conjures up slacks -beige, tailored polyester trousers with an invisible support panel. It’s rows of women on their backs in a church hall, raising their leotard clad legs in unison: “and lift, ladies, lift”.
Slim is the goal, slim is acceptable, slim is what women should be. The onus is on us to be slim – whether pushing a small child in a trolley around the supermarket or pulling a workbag on wheels into a conference room, valid women are slim. Why would anyone want to take a fat woman seriously? We’re mumsy, ill-disciplined and have clearly let ourselves go.
And this is my problem with slim. It’s a political word. It doesn’t just mean you’re lean – you’re also hard working, controlled, an achiever.
But where does that leave the rest of us?
Should those of us who’ve fought podge since childhood be left on the heap? I have a First Class Honours Degree – I earned this while I was a single parent to a toddler and holding down a part-time job in order to survive. I think I have self-discipline aplenty. I enjoy my job, have a happy family and now post-forty I’m more comfortable in my fat body than ever before.
But I’m not slim.
I have not achieved slim.
Not ever.
And the outrageous soul within doesn’t want me to conform. Even if I lost all the weight, I don’t think I’d ever want to be considered slim. It’s just not me.
So, when I found myself sat in a Slimming World class for the first time earlier this week, I thought “why am I here?”.
I thought I’d feel compromised but I didn’t.
I thought the inspirational chat at the beginning would make me run out through the community centre fire doors screaming but it didn’t.
I thought the terminology would annoy me (as so often jargon does) but it didn’t.
And now I’m left wondering why.
And I think it’s to do with my mate who brought me along. She’s a savvy lady. Seen a lot, done a lot. There’s little she doesn’t know about raising plants, nurturing children, crafting and ushering warm dishes to the table. But she’s also a trusting soul with a realistic view of the world – she knows where to place her cynicism, where to make compromises and she has a deep perspective that reaches out into the long-game.
And my childhood friend who made me feel a foot taller with one phone call earlier this week. This body is beautiful, it’s valid, I’m loved.
It’s also that the focus of the eating plan (‘diet’ is naturally my forth most hated word) is all about nourishment, not going hungry and realism: cocking up is not just tolerated, it’s expected.
I know that I have an intricately marvellous vessel (check out You Are Already Amazing) and it’s bumps and curves tell its story of survival. I believe that we all can feel good now. Right now. Not in some far-off future. And without this belief, you’ll make minor changes that bring temporary results but to make a lasting change, you have to be convinced of your value. Right here, in this moment.
Like everyone, I forget this sometimes: and I think the word slim just doesn’t help.
But I also have diabetes peppered throughout my family – something I can’t afford to ignore.
So, because I love this body and I want it to continue, I’ll put up with the word slim. Perhaps I’ll reinvent it, make it mine, unload it. Who knows.
I’ll check back in and let you know about slim when I get there.
How do you feel about ‘slim’? How do you feel about ‘nice’ and ‘tasty’? Do you feel like you need to defend them? What are your pet hate words? I’d love you to share them.
And if I’ve made you think about what values are written on your body, check out some of my other ideas on being body positive like The Tibetan Proverb and What I’ve Been Doing Wrong All This Time and The Damaging Lack of Control that Could Sink the NHS.
, October 20, 2017, The surprising things that can happen when a plus-size positive blogger turns up to a weight management class. I have a happy job. Whether I’m writing brochure material for people choosing their next holiday or website content helping walkers to find the best baths and breathtaking views, the words that help make someone’s day brighter, … , http://www.queenofsmallthings.co.uk/?p=740, The Queen of Small Things,Oh heart, I’m doing this for you
I went for my second run in ages this morning. Early sun lifting mist off the nature reserve, leaving naked branches in silhouette against the whitewashed vegetation. The first shoots of daffodils poking up from the brown of last year’s fallen leaves.
Birds singing obscenities to each other.
And I thought to myself – I like this, why haven’t I run for so long?
For a while it was anaemia (I couldn’t understand why I was getting so out of breath). But, I guess it was mostly despondency. I didn’t feel like I was fast enough. Didn’t think I was losing any weight.
I’d lost my mojo.
And with most high-street retailers not selling fitness gear for plus size women and some running apps not acknowledging someone seriously runs at my speed, it’s no wonder.
Am I just too fat and slow to be a serious runner? Does running do my overweight body any good, or am I just slogging my lumbering guts out for nothing?
Sound familiar? From talking to people on Facebook, my friends and from what I’ve read, I’m relieved to know it’s a common thing.
So, consider this.
A US study into women’s heart health found that lack of strenuous exercise was more likely to lead to heart disease and heart attack than being overweight alone (read my ramblings about it here).
Think about it.
If the numbers on the scale or the stopwatch are an impediment to my body getting more efficient at pumping life-giving blood around itself, are they helpful?
I think not.
So, scales and running app back in the cupboard of sadness where they belong, I put my running shoes on this morning and enjoyed a bit of spring sunshine.
And I got thinking about the mate of mine who I met in the supermarket the other day. She’s a plus-size honey and she’s been working with a personal trainer. Oh my, she looks sweet.
“But I’ve fallen off the wagon” she said.
“Doesn’t matter, just as long as you get back on it” I replied. I think I was talking to myself.
Weight, speed, whatever – all to one side for now. They’re not helping.
I’m doing this for my heart.
Fancy taking up running but don’t know where to start? Check out my top ten tips for plus size running. Good luck.
, February 8, 2017, I went for my second run in ages this morning. Early sun lifting mist off the nature reserve, leaving naked branches in silhouette against the whitewashed vegetation. The first shoots of daffodils poking up from the brown of last year’s fallen leaves. Birds singing obscenities to each other. And I thought to myself – I … , http://www.queenofsmallthings.co.uk/?p=674, The Queen of Small Things,
Why I never give up on new beginnings
Autumn. A time when nature starts to shut up shop for the winter and the humans turn their attention to retreating indoors for cooler, darker days. Odd that it’s also a time of new beginnings, but it is.
And it’s not just the new term that I’m talking about: although whether you’re a four-year-old starting school or a forty-eight-year-old beginning the final year of your Masters, there’s the potential for new books, new people and new ideas.
It’s the concept of the summer providing a fire gap. On one side, the wind up of the old term, work schedules geared towards taking time off for a holiday and a season of barbecue weekends and cold beer in the garden. Then the disruption to the normal routine – whether there’s kids at home or not – and eventually a return to what went before.
Or is it? Do we really go back to what went before?
I spent some time working as a childminder a few years ago and during August the phone would ring off the hook with new enquiries: usually women who, with the upcoming new term, were re-evaluating their employment status or taking on new studies.
Likewise, it would seem that some women re-evaluate every aspect of their lives as they edge towards autumn, including their bodies. Social media has been wall-to-wall this morning with introspective comments, some positive, most negative, about how lazy and unfit people feel. Is this really the case? Could it be that with children back at school and/or the distractions of summer out of the way, there’s some time and space for these women to think about who they are and where they are heading?
The new term brings new beginnings for everyone, I guess.
So, I started running again this morning. I walked around the supermarket afterwards, remembering the buzz and how strong my legs feel. And despite missing the lazy, warm days of summer with my children, how exhilarating it is to be out alone under the trees, with this new beginning stretching out in front of me.
I love the chance to start again, no matter how many times I’ve done it before.
Thinking of new beginnings yourself? If you’re looking for inspiration, check out my Top Ten Tips for Plus Size Running and for a little motivation, why we should ignore the doubters and just get out there for the sake of our heart health. If you want a giggle, there’s my retort to Nicole Arbour’s fattist outburst and if you’re looking for a re-stabilising moment of calm, what the body obsessed modern world can learn from an ancient Tibetan proverb.
, September 6, 2016, Autumn. A time when nature starts to shut up shop for the winter and the humans turn their attention to retreating indoors for cooler, darker days. Odd that it’s also a time of new beginnings, but it is. And it’s not just the new term that I’m talking about: although whether you’re a four-year-old starting … , http://www.queenofsmallthings.co.uk/?p=653, The Queen of Small Things,Eat Half, Walk Double, Laugh Triple and Love Without Measure – the Tibetan proverb and what I’ve been doing wrong all this time
Not a day goes by when I don’t see something that makes me think. Articles in the papers, snippets on newsfeeds, posts on Facebook. Some things get my goat, make me angry but at the weekend, I saw something that really made me sit up and think.
A Tibetan proverb that someone posted on line:
For a long, healthy life you must –
Eat half
Walk double
Laugh triple
Love without measure
Now, I know it doesn’t sound like much but I know this works, I’ve seen it. I live in a town that is home to a large Nepalese community. Not Tibetan, I know, but by the way they live I can see there is a similarity in philosophy. The elderly walk, laugh and browse the market with a real joy and interest on a Thursday morning – you could almost believe they hadn’t seen carrots and onions before. And I was saying goodbye to my Mum as she left in the car with her boyfriend yesterday morning, when two ladies wandered past – brightly coloured, well-shod. Both easily north of 70, they jumped and laughed when we offered a Namaste. I later saw them perusing the root veg in Morrison’s – their need to walk, explore, laugh, interact is strong, inbuilt, vital.
And then this morning, someone posted something on one of the pages I follow on Facebook to remind me about a fabulous plus-size yoga teacher by the name of Dana Falsetti. I’ve known about her for years but her approach to whole body and mind connectedness served to crystalize in my mind the key reason why diets and exercise programmes don’t work for some of us. We’ve concentrated on the first two principles of the proverb for so long, we’ve forgotten the second two. And in terms of quantity, it would seem they hold more weight, as it were.
I can offer some suggestions why this might have happened. Food intake and activity are easily measured, not to mention even easier to make a charge for. But how can you eat half and walk double if you don’t laugh triple and love without measure? It’s so clear to me now, I have no idea how I’ve not seen this before.
So what does it mean? Well, what if it was more than just OK to kick back and have a giggle with your friends and family, what if this was essential to living a healthy, happy life? What if laughing and loving were treated not merely as additional elements but critical components of a health regime? What if we dumped self-hatred and body-loathing in favour of acceptance, confidence and joy?
What if we took the brave step of connecting and thinking?
Eat half, walk double are key to the commonly held notion of calories in vs. calories out, granted (and there’s enough research out there to support the health benefits of fasting). But this principle is meaningless without the second half – the balance is way too out of kilter, too many grand efforts are bound to fail, too many people lost to empty diets and self depreciation.
So, today I ate a modest breakfast and climbed a hill in the North Downs to catch some early sun. I laughed with my Mum on the phone this morning and now I’m sharing this with you.
Have a great day x
Time to breathe and think
Walk double – I suppose climbing the 115 steps and running down the sloped route would count?
, May 3, 2016, Not a day goes by when I don’t see something that makes me think. Articles in the papers, snippets on newsfeeds, posts on Facebook. Some things get my goat, make me angry but at the weekend, I saw something that really made me sit up and think. A Tibetan proverb that someone posted on line: … , http://www.queenofsmallthings.co.uk/?p=636, The Queen of Small Things,Four lessons in the bag this morning
I’m up to a lot at the moment.
After having had a four week break from running due to illness, I’m currently trying to recover the whole minute I’ve managed to lose off my km time but that aside, I’m ploughing through my novel, learning new skills and getting busier on the freelance writing front.
So, I snatched a few hours out of my busy schedule this morning to finish making this little bag, all thanks to my Christmas gift to myself – the very useful Bag Making Bible by Lisa Lam.
An extravagant use of time, I thought to myself sitting in front of my sewing machine post school run, but skimming the iron over the finished project at lunch time, I decided I’d learned/relearned a few lessons:
- No matter how often you read the instructions, make meticulous notes or draw complex plans, the only way to learn something new is to get stuck in (and make mistakes).
- Creative projects never sit in isolation (my novel notepad is now full of scribblings).
- Doing what makes you happy probably will.
- Maths is everything.
Rookie mistakes carefully stitched into the lining, I’m off out for my (slow) run. It occurs to me that I have extra creative time today because my daughter is staying behind for her after school stitchcraft club this afternoon
As my Dad would say, she didn’t get it off the carpet.
, February 9, 2016, I’m up to a lot at the moment. After having had a four week break from running due to illness, I’m currently trying to recover the whole minute I’ve managed to lose off my km time but that aside, I’m ploughing through my novel, learning new skills and getting busier on the freelance writing front. … , http://www.queenofsmallthings.co.uk/?p=588, The Queen of Small Things,